P-DAY: the once-a-week "preparation day" when missionaries prepare for the upcoming week. The specific day of the week that a missionary has "p-day" can vary by mission, but the concept is the same. This is the day that you take care of most of the stuff that you don't have time to deal with when you're focusing on missionary work.
Missionaries can read letters that they receive in the mail any day of the week, but they only use email (and write/send handwritten letters) on their p-day.
Do you wish you had more emails/letters from your missionary? Or wish you had longer emails/letters? Or maybe you'd prefer some emails/letters that are just for you (and not a mass-email to everyone they know?)
Today we're going to talk about why missionaries don't write more often (or don't write longer letters when they do write!), and how you can best deal with that.
Let's start by talking about the stressful craziness that is p-day...Even if you have served a mission yourself or have known many missionaries who have served, keep reading for a reminder of just what is involved in the shortest day of the week (for a missionary)!
Sometimes people mistakenly believe that p-day is a "day off". Wow, a day off it is SO NOT. That is the AWFUL TRUTH about p-day. It is usually the craziest, busiest day of the week. First off, missionaries are still required do the regular morning schedule of study (hours of personal and companion study), exercise, etc, even on p-day. While these things are important, when you think about everything that needs to be accomplished on a p-day and the limited time a missionary has to accomplish it, studying takes a big chunk of out of the day right off the bat.
What a lot of people don't realize, is that after their morning study/getting ready/exercise routine is completed, missionaries are generally expected to do all of the errands and chores for the week on their p-day. For non-missionaries, these sorts of things can be done any day or any time that we feel like it (or procrastinated for a few more days if we don't feel like it!). But a missionary must use their p-day to do laundry, cleaning the apartment, grocery shopping, mailing a package at the post office, reading/sending emails, haircuts, washing & vacuuming out the car, etc. That's right, all of those extra sort of things are reserved for p-day (preparation for the rest of the week, right?) so that they don't interfere with the regular missionary work that missionaries are doing all day, every single other day (even Sundays). Sometimes they may even have their transfer day, temple trips, or their district or zone meetings on their p-day - which leaves very little or no personal leisure time to speak of on those p-days. P-day is nothing like what most people would consider a "day off."
On a standard p-day, most missionaries have a fun activity planned for after their chores and everything are done (like a hike or volleyball with other missionaries). Doing something fun & recreational is important for a missionary's morale. It can be hard to work, work, work, all of the time. I am not a sportsy or outdoorsy person at all, but after serving as a missionary for a while, Even I was excited to play soccer or whatever was on the agenda. It's your one chance to do something different and get out and have some low-stress fun. Most weeks, we would try to get together with other missionaries for an activity (if we were in an area with other missionaries nearby). Even if we couldn't get together with other sets of missionaries, we would usually try to plan something fun for ourselves (like visiting a local museum or another type of tourist spot).
Now, if you are a missionary who has completed their studying, gotten ready, done all the chores and errands, and then you have an activity planned that will take 2-3 hours, you will still really need to watch the clock because p-day doesn't last the entire day. P-day is over after dinner time if they don't have a dinner appointment, or over AT dinner time if they have a dinner appointment. If they have a dinner appointment, they must arrive at that appointment in proselyting clothes (regular missionary clothes). Actually p-day is usually (sort of) over before dinner, because missionaries often have to head back to their apartment to shower and change and then travel to their evening appointments. So yes, whether you have a dinner appointment or not, the rest of your evening is back to regular missionary work. A missionary's "free time" is really, really short on p-days.
When I was a missionary, we had a slightly different daily schedule and didn't have dedicated time for exercising. So if you wanted to exercise as many of my companions did, we had to wake up even earlier in the morning to do it. Yikes. So tired. Recently the missionary schedule has been modified.
Here is an example of what a typical p-day schedule might look like (in 2018) if a set of missionaries had a p-day hike planned:
-6:30am wake up, pray, exercise (30 min), get ready
-7:30am breakfast
-8:00am 1 hour of personal study
-9:00am 1 hour of companionship study
(If they are speaking a foreign language, they will then have an additional 30-60 minutes of
language study, so they wouldn't be able to start errands/chores until 10:30 or 11:00am)
-10:00am chores & errands, lunch
-1:00pm leave to meet the other missionaries for a hike
-1:30pm hike
-4:00pm arrive home to quickly shower & change for dinner
-4:30pm leave for dinner appointment
-5:00pm dinner appointment
(Regular missionary work for the rest of the day)
-6:30am wake up, pray, exercise (30 min), get ready
-7:30am breakfast
-8:00am 1 hour of personal study
-9:00am 1 hour of companionship study
(If they are speaking a foreign language, they will then have an additional 30-60 minutes of
language study, so they wouldn't be able to start errands/chores until 10:30 or 11:00am)
-10:00am chores & errands, lunch
-1:00pm leave to meet the other missionaries for a hike
-1:30pm hike
-4:00pm arrive home to quickly shower & change for dinner
-4:30pm leave for dinner appointment
-5:00pm dinner appointment
(Regular missionary work for the rest of the day)
Notice that the first 3 1/2 to 4 1/2 hours of p-day are scheduled the same as any other missionary day (getting ready, breakfast, exercise, & 2-3 hours of required study). So free time starts at 10am (or 11am), right? Wrong. As you can see in the example above, even though this is just a hypothetical example, there isn't a lot of time in the day that isn't tightly packed with all of the other things the missionaries still need to do. It's usually a super-busy schedule of (mostly) must-do's and other obligations, not exactly "free" time.
Yes, of course missionaries often try to super multitask on p-days, so that they are getting multiple things done at once. They will often be grocery shopping while their laundry is drying, handwriting letters while their companion is getting a haircut, or vacuuming the apartment while their companion is showering. Even so, there never seems to be enough time to get everything done on a p-day, and there is especially precious little time for writing letters to family and friends back home.
If you have been picturing your missionary goofing around and napping all p-day instead of writing you longer letters, you've likely got the wrong idea. It's sometimes hard for us *regular folk* (non-missionaries) to imagine, but missionaries don't get to just hop on their email whenever they feel like it or do their laundry and errands whenever they want to. They follow a specific schedule, and their personal time for letter-writing is pretty limited...especially if they have spotty access to a computer on p-days. They may have only a few minutes to use a computer at a library (or the internet may not be working, or the power may be out - these are frequent problems in some missions).
Yes, of course missionaries often try to super multitask on p-days, so that they are getting multiple things done at once. They will often be grocery shopping while their laundry is drying, handwriting letters while their companion is getting a haircut, or vacuuming the apartment while their companion is showering. Even so, there never seems to be enough time to get everything done on a p-day, and there is especially precious little time for writing letters to family and friends back home.
If you have been picturing your missionary goofing around and napping all p-day instead of writing you longer letters, you've likely got the wrong idea. It's sometimes hard for us *regular folk* (non-missionaries) to imagine, but missionaries don't get to just hop on their email whenever they feel like it or do their laundry and errands whenever they want to. They follow a specific schedule, and their personal time for letter-writing is pretty limited...especially if they have spotty access to a computer on p-days. They may have only a few minutes to use a computer at a library (or the internet may not be working, or the power may be out - these are frequent problems in some missions).
PRIORITIES:
If a missionary is very limited in their email/letter-writing time (which they almost always are), what should be their priority when choosing who to write and how long to make that email/letter? If the missionary is very lucky, they may have received many emails/letters that week. Should they reply to them all? Should a missionary feel obligated to reply with a lengthy personalized response to every email/letter they receive? What if they have so many friends to write to that they must send many short emails/letters and don't have time to write a proper letter home to their family?
This is my personal feeling, but I feel that in most cases, a missionary's top letter-writing obligation is to their own immediate family (parents/siblings). Of course, there are circumstances (like being raised by Grandparents or an Aunt), but you know what I mean - the missionary's closest family.
Of course, friends (and girlfriends/boyfriends) want to hear from their missionary, too. There isn't anything wrong with writing to friends, too. But lets not make things more difficult for the missionary we care about by putting unrealistic expectations on them....
Over the years, I've heard of some friends back home getting upset that their missionary isn't writing them back often enough (or when they do they arent long enough letters). I hate to be that person, but in every instance I've ever heard of, the upset person is a girlfriend, platonic female friend, or a would-be girlfriend who expects more individual correspondence from a male missionary. Sorry ladies, I'm just calling it like I see it.
Some (not all) ladies (and gentlemen) can be....needy... and may have unrealistic expectations when it comes to how often they can expect to hear from their missionary (and how long that letter should be). Perhaps this is because they don't totally understand what being a missionary is like and what is required. No matter how sincerely you may care and how many missionaries you have known, if you haven't served a mission, you just can't completely understand what it is like to live as a missionary 24/7 (emotionally, physically, spiritually) week after week, month after month, year after year with this kind of physically demanding and emotionally challenging schedule. Guilt does not help.
This is why many missionaries often send a generic mass-email home to everyone (or send it to their mom and have mom send it out to everyone). It is much simpler and quicker to send one main email than to keep repeating themselves to a dozen or more individuals. Don't take it as an insult if you only get a general mass-email that they've sent to everyone they know. This might be the very best they can do. Sometimes I get emails from missionaries who have sent a group email that say something like "I don't have time to write, everything is fine, here are some photos" and I just laugh (and hope that they actually wrote something more substantial in a separate email to their parents) :) .
It might sound strange, but when I write to missionaries, I usually tell them to please NOT write me back. I ask them to use their valuable time to write their close relatives and close friends if they are able. Sometimes they write back anyhow, and sometimes they don't. And that's fine with me. Of course, if the missionary is someone close to you, you will probably want to hear from them (personally) at least occasionally....at least a FEW times.
Notice that the Missionary Handbook says, "limit correspondence with others." There is a specific instruction that a missionary should write to their family weekly, but there is no specific instruction re: how often emails/letters should be written to friends/girlfriends/boyfriends. That's probably because #1- not everyone has the same situation, and #2- a missionary needs to use their brains and good judgement, and #3- again, they just don't have a lot of time to write. So if they only have time to send 1-2 short emails this week, friends (or even a girlfriend/boyfriend) might not make the cut. That won't be meant as an insult. They will sometimes need to make that tough choices like that.
Then how often should missionaries write (individual emails/letters) to friends/girlfriends/boyfriends? Once a week? Maybe, but thats how often they are instructed to write their family, and they are instructed to limit correspondence with others (non-family), so that implies that they would write to non-family less often than once a week. Maybe 2x a month? Once a month? Thats up to the individual missionary to decide. Just be aware that just because they CAN potentially send emails/letters on p-day, does not mean that they will/can write to friends/girlfriends/boyfriends every week, or even every month.
YOU CAN EITHER HELP OR MAKE THINGS WORSE:
The way that a friend/girlfriend/boyfriend reacts to not getting the amount/length of letters that they want can have an effect on the missionary. Getting angry, pouting, complaining - those might seem like a way to get more email/letters, but putting emotional stress on a missionary because you want more doesn't help them cope with mission life. Can you imagine how much added stress that a missionary could feel if they are worried about being dumped by an angry girlfriend because they didn't get a chance to write a letter this week? Try to put their situation and their needs above your own. We want them to succeed and to have a happy missionary life as they serve the Lord.
Would you like to encourage your missionary to write individual email/letters to you? There are appropriate ways that you could make that request without a guilt-trip!
Here are a few examples of positive/supportive things to say to a missionary:
Best of luck to you and your missionary!
Some (not all) ladies (and gentlemen) can be....needy... and may have unrealistic expectations when it comes to how often they can expect to hear from their missionary (and how long that letter should be). Perhaps this is because they don't totally understand what being a missionary is like and what is required. No matter how sincerely you may care and how many missionaries you have known, if you haven't served a mission, you just can't completely understand what it is like to live as a missionary 24/7 (emotionally, physically, spiritually) week after week, month after month, year after year with this kind of physically demanding and emotionally challenging schedule. Guilt does not help.
THE RULES: According to the Missionary Handbook of Instructions ("Communicating with Family" section), this is what is appropriate for missionaries when it comes to emails/letters (I have added bold lettering to emphasize some phrases):
"Write to your family each week on preparation day. Limit correspondence with others..."
"Use e-mail only on preparation day. You may use computers in public places, such as libraries or appropriate businesses that offer Internet access. While using computers, always stay next to your companion so that you can see each other’s monitors. Do not use members’ computers. If you misuse e-mail or computers, you may lose the privilege of using e-mail"
"As your call letter states, you are 'expected to devote all your time and attention to serving the Lord, leaving behind all other personal affairs'."
"Do not become preoccupied with communicating with family and friends"
This is why many missionaries often send a generic mass-email home to everyone (or send it to their mom and have mom send it out to everyone). It is much simpler and quicker to send one main email than to keep repeating themselves to a dozen or more individuals. Don't take it as an insult if you only get a general mass-email that they've sent to everyone they know. This might be the very best they can do. Sometimes I get emails from missionaries who have sent a group email that say something like "I don't have time to write, everything is fine, here are some photos" and I just laugh (and hope that they actually wrote something more substantial in a separate email to their parents) :) .
It might sound strange, but when I write to missionaries, I usually tell them to please NOT write me back. I ask them to use their valuable time to write their close relatives and close friends if they are able. Sometimes they write back anyhow, and sometimes they don't. And that's fine with me. Of course, if the missionary is someone close to you, you will probably want to hear from them (personally) at least occasionally....at least a FEW times.
Notice that the Missionary Handbook says, "limit correspondence with others." There is a specific instruction that a missionary should write to their family weekly, but there is no specific instruction re: how often emails/letters should be written to friends/girlfriends/boyfriends. That's probably because #1- not everyone has the same situation, and #2- a missionary needs to use their brains and good judgement, and #3- again, they just don't have a lot of time to write. So if they only have time to send 1-2 short emails this week, friends (or even a girlfriend/boyfriend) might not make the cut. That won't be meant as an insult. They will sometimes need to make that tough choices like that.
Then how often should missionaries write (individual emails/letters) to friends/girlfriends/boyfriends? Once a week? Maybe, but thats how often they are instructed to write their family, and they are instructed to limit correspondence with others (non-family), so that implies that they would write to non-family less often than once a week. Maybe 2x a month? Once a month? Thats up to the individual missionary to decide. Just be aware that just because they CAN potentially send emails/letters on p-day, does not mean that they will/can write to friends/girlfriends/boyfriends every week, or even every month.
YOU CAN EITHER HELP OR MAKE THINGS WORSE:
The way that a friend/girlfriend/boyfriend reacts to not getting the amount/length of letters that they want can have an effect on the missionary. Getting angry, pouting, complaining - those might seem like a way to get more email/letters, but putting emotional stress on a missionary because you want more doesn't help them cope with mission life. Can you imagine how much added stress that a missionary could feel if they are worried about being dumped by an angry girlfriend because they didn't get a chance to write a letter this week? Try to put their situation and their needs above your own. We want them to succeed and to have a happy missionary life as they serve the Lord.
Would you like to encourage your missionary to write individual email/letters to you? There are appropriate ways that you could make that request without a guilt-trip!
Here are a few examples of positive/supportive things to say to a missionary:
- "I would love to get a personal email/letter from you when you get the chance, but I know you're busy so don't worry, I will be patient!"
- "I will keep writing you every week, but I understand if you can't always write me back. Just write me when you can"
- "I get your weekly email from your Mom, so I am keeping up on everything you are doing. If you ever get a chance, send me an individual email sometime"
Best of luck to you and your missionary!
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